on repeat

i once carried a feeling of bliss and ecstasy. It left me feeling warm and secure, until the cold began to creep in.

cracks, small and frail began to grow, leaving  frosted implantation's in my core. 

so i walked, detached and isolated, the holes were slowly permeated with a summer breeze. until once again i carried a feeling of serene bliss, filled with ecstasy, my cracks shrunk.  for a while, almost believably, i was almost elated. 

until realization swept in on me and i was  a fly on the wall of my past, playing the beats to my future and no longer were there cracks but gorges. 

repitition

it started with a fake smile that was taken a bit too seriously, followed by hollow emotionless laughter that was stuck on repeat.

a circle began to form, images of taunting beauty would come into view and so it would again begin. crackling sobs disguised by hollow shrill squeals.
glistening drops of regret and remorse would roll, turning to glistening pools, recreating a beautiful reflective demon.

digging into nothing but hopelessness she patched the pools with a glimmering smile and a piercing giggle.

Day dream

Estatically she skips forward through his essence
Nervously she takes his hand believing his feelings to be true.

Silently she closes her eyes, bringing back films,
Recapturing his portrait in her minds eye.

Until once again, realization kicks in and her cheeks are draped in sweet sorrow filled nectar.

The purity of her delusional hallucinations start to fade and she no longer skips but runs from his essence, believing and seeing the monster of his core to be true.

change

all it takes i a moment for change

surrounded by glimmering smiles and echoing giggles, fading to dripping tears and gruesome grins.

simple, almost as if the happiness never existed. once we ruled mountains of hope, baring smiles only to roll downhill back into the past.

wandering a baron land of hopelessness we build ourselves up only to come crumbling down at the slightest difference in scenery.

struggling with reality, so instead we wrap ourselves in fantasy.

reassurance

Alone and lost she glides towards reassurance.  Heartbroken she pleads for release,for help.

Afraid and uncalm she ventures and begs for answers.

Drizzled with hope yet only despair grows and forms. Nourished with helplessness she slides towards uncanny conniving darkness.

Smugly it enfolds her, cradling her emotions it expands until she can no longer bare it. Carrying the weight she stumbles. Unable to walk she crawls,  dragging her thoughts in a mound. How did she get here? Why did she get here? .. to this point of no return.

Glaring, haunting laughter comes from her tormentors,  flowing smoothly from her lips.

Cries heard only by her..
 she buries herself in reality.

those in refuge (for my beans)

for a moment to change, all it takes is a drop of difference.
for a memory to fade, it only takes another, stronger more dominant to overcome the shell of laughter or despair

he walked among those in refuge, he waiting and finally pounced, latching onto a desperate, innocent mind, he fed his poison through lies and smiles. he charmed and gained a part of her that could only once be taken, throwing an accusation. her portrait slowly, began to slice and tare. hidden marks began to form.
yet she stayed there, craving the fading colors that he painted upon her portrait.

alone and unaware she sat in silenced pain while once again he joined those in refuge, waiting to pounce.

betrayal

i cant fathom the betrayal.
i cant comprehend the pain and loss your words have caused me.

violently they pour from your mouth, without consent or thought, you easily break down my world. you carelessly throw away my support. burning me with words undone, untrue.

i defend you, by lovers cross. i throw myself into devastation for your cruel ability to break me down. i look around, i no longer want your friendship, to hell with your blistering glare.

you care only for maths, that bastard unfair. i gape, pulling myself free of your pull, your lies weighing me down. i pulsate, i walk from your depths of cruelty .

you know nothing of kindness and truth, for this reason, this betrayal, for these lies and this hate, for the cause of pain, consumption of greed. i let our past go. im moving on from you.

insomnia

i'm sitting in bed, unable to sleep. its dark and cold. goosebumps trace my fine skin, hairs rise and i pull my blanket higher to my chin, covering, smothering my decorate.

i look around and wish to go back to before i was left standing, drifting into reality. away from candy houses and fluffy slippers. deeper into the dark sleepless nights.

i look beneath my bed to find a monster that constantly brings me down in society. looking at my reflection i sit up in bed once more. i touch my visage, scars that only i conceive haunt me. certain features jump into view and its all i can visualize as my mind races to pull the images together.

i look back with the ripples of my past painting together the path to my future. realizing, noticing, seeing the consequences of using certain colors.

i breath in the familiar smell of the memories that drift by.

it fills me with a kind of ecstasy.

i see her, my tormentor. staring me black eyed, i lean forward to grasp the inner demons of myself, failing as i fall through.

memories

fast, convenient, patience and willing. recollections of laughs and fears come flooding in only to stop when an insufferable  pain explodes. leaving a ken of blinding white pain.

memories are everywhere, every step we trod we leave behind us memories. every stone, tree or bush has their own abundance of commemoration.

looking back i hit a blank wall. i have no recollection of remembrance.  so i look forward, pacing my steps, leaving behind me, renown's i don't remember.

as time passes, leaving behind the recollections, bracketing their back doors. i no longer care to unveil the secrets that lie behind them.

with the horizon blinding, showing me what is to come, the setting sun lights up the cracks in my back door. remembrance floods, covering my ill brain, filling the gaps.

now i know

voice

calmly, residently, naked, sinless, we are brought into a bristling, dark, unsanctry, fearful sphere.

prodded, poked we are sent with our seed bearers, desperate we coddle bathe in the love and suckle in the nectar. Timeosly we develop and become our own.

separate voices carry and blind, drifting from childhood, populace, solidity. in due course we aspire to fit the image, to mirror the statues, fine marble compared to rough sesame seed skin, we paint a new complexion, we build  a new look. loosing the toddler beneath our core we lather in words.

down to an imperfections perfection, felonious glares yearn for more. a growing skeleton in eyes of beloved yet a corpulent vile creature behind an innocent glare.

now, alone and featureless we, an army, slaves to statues and marble skin, isolation grows and milky smooth scars with blood.

night time creatures come looking for nectar, desperate we addict our innocent minds to the damaging carcasses of men.

taking away a sense of purity, they percolate, unaware, we slave away, left raw and unstable. thieving happiness, we whither, we die.